


When the Moon Aligns with the Dog Star

by imcrapatthiswritingshitbutitry



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore Bashing, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, BAMF Minerva McGonagall, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Desi James Potter, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sirius Black, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Multi, Mutual Pining, Non-Canon Relationship, Pre-Canon, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, canon compliant until a certain point because these boys deserve a happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:40:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28017870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imcrapatthiswritingshitbutitry/pseuds/imcrapatthiswritingshitbutitry
Summary: This is basically my take of what happened during the Marauders era starting at their fifth year, including when Sirius runs away from home, The Prank and Snape's worst memory. I'm going to try and stick to canon in terms of main events, but I might change the order slightly and obviously there'll be Wolfstar etc. And it is a fix-it fic so there'll be changes to canon after they leave Hogwarts.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1. 1st September 1975

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I'm starting another multi-chapter fic when I already have two on the go. I will finish them though, I'm going to try and promise that <3 
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos honestly mean everything to me.

**Monday 1st September 1975**

"Sirius Black!" shouted Walburga, her shrill voice echoing through the dark corridors of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. "Get your ungrateful behind downstairs this instant!" 

The yelling did nothing to motivate Sirius. In fact, if anything, it only made him more lethargic in his movements, taking even longer to get ready than he already was. That morning, Sirius was playing a game as he got ready called: what would anger his parents the most? It was like a darker, fucked-up version of Bingo. There were already Griffindor and motorbike stickers plastered all over his trunk and posters of half-naked girls all over his walls - Merlin, his mother's face when she'd seen that was priceless. And it was definitely worth the week in the basement. 

Deciding on a leather jacket with a Gryffindor Quidditch shirt underneath, Sirius grabbed his bag and trunk and left his bedroom behind for another couple of months. He wondered if his parents would ever find a way to remove those posters and banners - he'd used a Permanent Sticking Charm and everything they'd tried so far had failed. Maybe they'd still be up in twenty years time when Sirius had moved out and the house was empty. Just the thought of it made him smile. 

When he appeared downstairs, Walburga's eyes landed on the bright red shirt and jacket, her nose wrinkling in absolute disgust. Her eyes were full of pure loathing as she looked over her eldest son. 

Sirius just smirked. It wasn't as if she could punish him - they had to catch a train in less than an hour and the next time she'd see him would probably be Christmas. "Everything alright, mother?" 

"Get in there!" she snarled, pointing towards the living room where the fire was burning, waiting for them to Floo to King's Cross. 

Regulus was already in there, made up neatly in his expensive Slytherin school robes. His hair shone in the emerald light of the flames and he looked exactly like the perfect Pureblood should. His back was straight, shoulders back, but relaxed at the same time. Sirius hated how arrogant he appeared, his nose turned up at everything around him. 

Not a word was said between the two brothers as their mother stepped into the room. She wouldn't even look at Sirius, and only smiled slightly at Regulus, resting a hand on his shoulder and offering to take his trunk for him. 

Regulus and Walburga went first, giving Sirius just seconds alone in the living room. He stepped through the flames, the deafening chattering of the crowds overwhelmed him. Everything was so loud, so busy and buzzing with life. It was so opposing to everything at Number 12. Sirius instantly fell in love all over again. 

"Goodbye again, mother," he said with a little mocking bow, grabbing his stuff and running towards the train before she could scold him. 

He strode along the train corridor, rolling his eyes at the first and second years in the way, until he reached the compartment at the back, furthest from the front of the train. James and Peter were already there, the former's feet up on the chair opposite, in his usual relaxed manner. 

"Bonjour!" he declared dramatically as he stepped into the train compartment, a grin plastered on his face. He was finally going back to Hogwarts. Back home.

"Someone's happy," said James, biting the head off a chocolate frog and moving his feet so Sirius could sit down opposite him. 

"There's loads to be happy about, Jamesie." 

"So, did you have a good summer?" asked Peter as he tore open a pack of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. 

Sirius laughed bitterly. "What do you think? I spent half of it grounded and the other half locked in the bloody basement." 

The other two obviously couldn't tell if he was joking or not and therefore had no idea what to say to that. Sirius felt a little sense of triumph that he'd stumped them like that, but then his stomach also churned with anxiety and maybe a little embarrassment too, though he'd never admit it. He couldn't stop his brain spiralling in that moment. Had he just pushed them away? He knew they were close friends, basically brothers, but maybe he'd just disgusted them enough to put an end to that? This summer had been even worse than usual - probably because of the posters, and Regulus's perfection and only emphasised all of Sirius's failures. 

"So, anyway, how were your summers?" he asked. 

If there was one thing James liked to talk about, it was himself and his family. As predicted, Sirius's question instantly started a tangent, all mentions of his own family forgotten. He tried to stop his brain from falling into the endless pit as he listened to their answers. 

"Did Remus tell you?" said James eagerly. "Pete and I went to his house and his mum took us to the beach. In an actual car!" 

As the two boys chatted excitedly about their holidays, Sirius couldn't help feeling left out. His parents would never let him go to his friends' houses, no matter what he said and they probably never would. He hated hearing about everything they'd got up to without him, it was just like rubbing salt in the wound, but it was better then the alternative: James pressuring him to answer questions about his parents and home life, just like what had happened on the journey back at the end of last year. 

The only thing that had saved him that time was Remus, demanding they stop and reminding them that Sirius didn't have to say anything he didn't want to. Remus knew what it was like to be questioned endlessly and unable to answer. However, unfortunately for him, Remus wasn't there yet. It had been a full moon less than a week ago so he was probably still a little tired from that, especially as his parents had no healing experience, unlike Madame Pomfrey. For that reason, full moons at home were usually considerably worse than at school. 

Sirius found himself zoning out as James and Peter continued chatting. They probably wouldn't even notice that he wasn't listening. Sirius's eyes drifted to be staring out the window, watching as families hugged and kissed their children goodbye. A pang of jealousy shot in his stomach; they all seemed so much happier than him and his parents. Even Regulus and his cousins - well, Bellatrix and Narcissa, at least - seemed to have a better relationship with their parents than he did. 

For some reason, although Sirius was jealous of how his parents treated Regulus, he also loved how they clearly favoured their younger child. It meant when he finally got out of there, he wouldn't be missed as much. Maybe they'd hardly care. Sure, he'd be burned off the family tree, but he could deal with that, right? Being burned off the tree, like Andromeda and Uncle Alphard, had been an ambition of his for as long as he could remember. 

The door to their compartment opened and in stepped Remus, hauling his trunk behind him. James sprung up to help him put it on the shelf with the others before they both sat down. Remus rubbed at his left eye slightly, clearly tired as he yawned a couple of seconds later. 

He turned to Sirius with a grin. "You alright." 

Sirius just stared. He wasn't sure if it was the lighting or maybe the sleep deprivation, but in that second, Remus looked gorgeous - that was the only word Sirius could think of to describe it. Gorgeous. He'd had a bit of a growth spurt over the summer, so he was definitely taller than Sirius, and had finally settled into his skinny, tall body, his shoulders broadening and making him look older. His curls were longer, flopping in front of his amber-brown eyes slightly and the scar down his cheek made him look strong and courageous now rather than the weaker and possibly sickly persona it gave him previously. 

"Are you okay, Sirius?" asked Remus, a little amused. "You - you're staring." 

"Sorry. Yeah, I'm good; I was just thinking about stuff." 

"Everything okay?" 

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, yeah, everything's good." 

"Okay. I bet your parents loved that outfit," Remus said, raising an amused eyebrow. 

Sirius just laughed. "Yeah... if, um, if you think that's bad, you should've seen the reaction to those posters James bought me." 

"You didn't put them up." 

"Yeah, I did. With a Permanent Sticking Charm and everything." 

"Merlin, Sirius!" said Remus. He looked like he couldn't decide between laughing or chiding him further and settled on a worried, but exasperated expression.

"So, how was the full moon, Moony? You okay?" said James, running a hand through his hair and looking at their friend carefully as if he was trying to scan for any serious injuries - always the mother hen of the group. 

Remus smiled and nodded. "I'm okay. Just really tired." Almost as if proving a point, he yawned, covering his mouth with the back of his hand then grinning. "You can probably see that. I'm alright, though, don't worry." 

The rest of the train journey passed in relative quiet. After about an hour, Remus fell asleep, his head resting on Sirius's shoulder. The latter couldn't even glance down at the sleeping boy without blushing or feeling that strange anxious feeling in his stomach. He hadn't felt this before with his friends. He'd never had to feel anxious with his friends before; they were his family. What the hell was wrong with him? 

Remus looked so peaceful and relaxed, which was a rare sight. His usual frown lines were barely visible and his mouth was open slightly. Sirius would have almost described it as cute. When Sirius glanced over, he saw James looking at him weirdly, but he didn't say anything, so Sirius didn't either. Peter was busy copying out some of James's holiday homework and not paying attention to the others so didn't notice their discussion via eye contact. Sirius could feel James's eyes on him as the young werewolf moved in his sleep and Sirius shuffled to accommodate his new position, yet he still didn't say anything. 

"What is is, Potter?" said Sirius, bristled. 

"Nothing." 

Sirius just frowned - it was clearly a lie. He'd been staring at him and Remus like they were an alien species. It was unnerving. Did James know something that he didn't? And why wasn't he telling him? 

When they arrived in Hogsmeade, Sirius gently shook Remus awake and the four of them made their way towards the carriages with the rest of the school. They were towards the back of the crowd, so got into a carriage by themselves. The invisible horses pulled them up the track towards the castle, where they clambered out and headed to the Great Hall. 

As usual, the Sorting was relatively boring, only made more interesting by James and Sirius's annual tradition of shouting out their predictions for the first year's houses, cheering when they got it right and booing, jeering at the Sorting Hat when they were incorrect. The feast was the same as normal. Sirius felt the expected unease in his stomach as it got used to sufficient food and water again, and Remus ate a little less than he probably should have, but other than that, everything was great. Sirius was almost inclined to call it perfect. He was finally back home.


	2. 2nd September 1975

**Tuesday 2nd September 1975**

"This is your final year of compulsory Potions lessons," said Professor Slughorn to his class that next morning. "It's easily the most important year of your schooling so far, so I'd advise you to use it well. Your O.W.L. exams at the end of this year will determine your future. And such bright futures you have, most of you." 

Remus was almost certain that Slughorn had looked at him in that last second, whether it was intentional or not. All the professors knew about his 'furry little problem', as James called it, and although he probably never meant it on purpose, Slughorn had always had a slight prejudice around him because of that. It made him uncomfortable, but he couldn't blame him. Werewolves were dangerous and it was wise to be cautious. Several professors had had similar views, some more vocal about it than others, like the Defence Against the Dark Arts professors in first year and the Herbology professor until third year, before the new teacher, Professor Sprout, took over. 

"Turn to page ninety-two. This is a harder potion than we've tried before, so you'll need to follow the instructions carefully and pay attention." At this, Slughorn looked pointedly at James and Sirius, who just grinned mischievously. "I will be here if you need assistance, but you should aim to become more independent this year, in preparation for your O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s next year. Anyway, you may begin." 

As the classroom bustled with students fetching ingredients, chatting amongst themselves, Remus flicked through his book. He couldn't concentrate. His head was pounding, his stomach churning like he was about to throw up. It must have been the potion ingredients. So many different overwhelming scents were too much for him to handle. 

"Hey, Moony, are you okay?" said James. Somehow, he always could tell when something was wrong, like a sixth sense. The boys had always joked it was his motherly instincts. 

Remus nodded. "It - it's just a headache." He gestured vaguely towards the open supplies cupboard. "You know." 

He saw Sirius and James exchange a look before the former said, "Okay, well let us know if you need to go to the hospital wing or take a break for a bit, alright?" 

Remus just nodded again. His friends were constantly fussing over him now they knew his secret and it had taken years for him to get used to it. They were clearly just trying to show him how much they cared, but he couldn't help feeling like a burden sometimes. They were always doing so much for him, constantly changing their plans to fit around the moon cycle for him, but what could he offer them in return? He was trusting them with his entire existence - one word from them could lead to his immediate execution - yet they never asked anything of him. How had something like him ever become lucky enough to have friends like he did? Sometimes it was just too much to think about. 

Lily, Snape and Peter went to fetch the ingredients for their table as Sirius and James set up the cauldrons. Remus had tried to help, but standing up made him feel faint and Sirius had insisted he sit back down, drink some water and just let them do the work. 

Peter and Sirius switched seats that lesson as they all collectively decided that Remus wouldn't be able to do much of the potion work and would need more help than Peter could offer. Remus hated being so reliant on them when it wasn't even close to the full moon yet. Was this just a taster of what it would be like in the future as he got older and his condition became even worse? Would they even still want to be friends with him when he was basically an invalid? 

"Moons, are you okay?" asked Sirius after less than a minute. 

"I've told you, I'm fine." 

Remus could feel Sirius's eyes on him as they worked on the potion in silence. The other boy did most of the work. Remus's head felt like it was about to split open with the pain, his nose was on fire and eyes were watering. 

Both Snape and Lily had got back from the supply cupboard and were now also working diligently on their potion so the boys couldn't speak as freely, not that they would in a classroom anyway. Remus knew Snape was curious too, as did the others, and none of them would risk that. He kept looking over at Remus with a disgusted frown, watching as if trying to read what was wrong with him just by looking at his face. 

"Moony, I can see this is too much for you," said Sirius quietly. "Please, you know Slughorn would understand." 

Remus glanced at their professor then Snape and Lily before he answered, almost inaudibly, "He wouldn't. He doesn't like me, you know that." 

"So you admit it's getting bad and you need to leave?" 

"I - " Remus sighed. "You know I never said that." 

Sirius pointed his wand at a glass on the table. " _Aguamenti._ Now, drink that. Don't complain and just do as I say." 

With a roll of his eyes, Remus downed the water, shooting Sirius a look afterwards as if to ask if that was better. The other boy just smiled as he stirred the greying liquid in the cauldron, adding a purple powder after a minute before stirring the other way. 

"Is there anything you need me to do?" 

"Yes, actually," said Sirius, running his finger down the page in the book to check something. "Sit back and relax the best you can. Just have a break, Moony." 

Remus sent Sirius a glare, but didn't want to say too much as it was obvious Snape was listening in - the nosy, slimy git. He'd always hated Remus and, well, there was a good reason why, but he didn't know that reason. 

The young werewolf watched as Sirius added the snake's fangs and powdered roots and eyeballs, the potion changing from grey to green to purple and back to grey. He did it all with an air of relaxed confidence, all the while chatting with James and Peter as they worked on their own potion. It gave Remus the perfect opportunity to actually notice how much he had changed over the summer. His mum had cut his hair again, but it still looked perfect, as always, nothing like Remus's own mess of curls. He was taller too. Still not as tall as James or Remus, though. As he leaned over the desk, he noticed Sirius's robes stretching, going tightening around his upper body and showing off his muscular arms and back - probably from all his work as a Beater, but how had Remus never noticed before? He looked... beautiful. Merlin, what was wrong with him? Normal people didn't think about their friends like that, did they? No, definitely not. Wherever his mind had just been going was most certainly not normal. And Remus did not need something else to make him even more of an outcast. He could just imagine it now: a queer werewolf. The thought was almost laughable. 

It turned out that Sirius had been right; there was no way Remus would be able to focus on potion-making today. The ingredients everyone seemed to be using stank atrociously, burning his brain and nose. It was disgusting and overwhelming and all he wanted was to get out of there. To get away from everything around him. It wasn't even _close_ to a full moon, yet the sounds were deafening, his ears ringing and eyes watering as his brain desperately tried to process everything at once. 

"Is it really that bad?" asked Sirius, concerned. 

Merlin, how awful did Remus look? He nodded. "Can't you smell it?" 

"Of course I can." 

"Imagine all that, but at least one hundred times stronger." 

Sirius paused for a second before he frowned then stuck up his hand to get Slughorn's attention. The professor looked over, obvious suspicion in his eyes when he saw who it was with their arm up. 

"Yes, Mr Black?" 

"Remus isn't feeling well, sir, permission to take him to the hospital wing?" 

Slughorn glanced at the werewolf, his eyebrows furrowing. He sighed, "Yeah, alright then. This isn't a free pass for the rest of the day, though. And if I find out you've been up to any trouble, it'll be detention for a month for the both of you." 

"Yes, sir," said Sirius, rolling his eyes so only Remus could see. "Come on, Moony."

He collected up both his own and Remus's stuff before leading the other boy out the classroom, shooting a final grin in James and Peter's direction. They walked down the corridor in silence, Sirius still carrying all their stuff but he didn't complain once. 

They didn't go up to the hospital wing. Instead they took a slower route, through several different corridors, back up to the Gryffindor common room and into the dorm. They had History of Magic next anyway, so Professor Binns probably wouldn't even notice if they didn't show up. 

"Are you okay now, Moony?" 

Remus sat on his bed and looked over at Sirius who was sorting out the other boy's books for him. "I was fine anyway." 

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You looked like the walking dead. So, answer the question honestly, are you all right now?" 

"Yeah, I'm okay. You know what it's like, strong smells and all that." 

Sirius nodded knowingly. "You can tell us if you ever need a break or anything, you know that. You shouldn't have to suffer in silence." 

"I know. But I'm fine. It's still two weeks until the moon, so can we please just not make it a big deal yet. I don't want to think about it." 

"Sure, sorry, Moons." 

They sat in silence for a while, Remus lying on his back on the bed while Sirius worked on some of the finer details of the map. All the charms had worked surprisingly well and they just needed some of the smaller drawings and extra labels. James had spent the summer researching security spells they could use so the Marauders were the only people who could access the map as well as making it so they were the only ones who could see each other on there. 

The headache hadn't fully gone yet so Remus closed his eyes. He swore he could still smell the stubbornly lingering scent of the potions ingredients and it was disgusting. 

James and Peter arrived a couple of hours later, just before everyone went down to the Great Hall to lunch. History of Magic had been just as boring as usual and, as expected, Professor Binns hadn't even noticed their absence. 

The four boys left the dorm and made their way down to the Great Hall. Sirius had an arm around James's shoulder as they talked, pushing and shoving each other slightly, not caring who they knocked into as they went. Remus had found people usually moved out their way, especially when James and Sirius were around. He wasn't sure if people were scared or intimidated by them or if it was just the usual respect the younger years gave the older years. The two more confident members of the group had a habit of hexing pretty much anyone who annoyed them, and Remus, as the one people had deemed the most responsible out of the four, had noticed the increased uncertainty around them, even from some of the older students. James and Sirius, as usual, were completely oblivious. Or maybe they just didn't care. 

That evening, while the four of them were sat in the common room, Lily Evans, the girl James had had a crush on since second year, approached, her gaze directed at Remus. She smiled and he smiled back, if not a little confusedly. 

"Are you coming to the meeting?" she asked. 

He frowned, now even more confused, before he spotted the gleaming red badge pinned proudly to her chest. Fuck. He'd completely forgotten. His badge had arrived weeks ago with his Hogwarts letter, but it had been just before the full moon. To be honest, he still didn't understand why he'd been given it. Why would Dumbledore trust a _werewolf_ to be a prefect? Maybe he thought he'd be able to try and control his friends a little, but they had so much on him, so many ways that they could completely ruin his life that he never dared to step in. Even so, he'd been trusted with it, and he wasn't about to let Dumbledore down now, not after everything he'd done for him. 

"Um - yeah... just give me a minute." 

Sirius, James and Peter looked just as confused as Remus had been a second ago as they watched the interaction, their eyes darting between Remus and the ginger-haired girl. 

"Okay, I'll wait out here for you. We might as well go together." 

With that, she left, completely ignoring the flirtatious wink she got from James. 

Remus sighed and stood up. "You lot better come with me. There's something I need to show you." 

The others followed him up to their dorm. Sirius kept asking him questions, interrogating him over the meagre thirty seconds it took to cross the common room and go up the stairs to the fifth-year dormitory. Remus went straight over to his trunk, digging around for a minute before producing his Hogwarts letter that still had the little metal prefect badge in it. They still looked confused, watching closely as Remus took out the badge to show them, pinning it to the front of his robes. Understanding dawned on their faces after a second. 

"Moony! You traitor!" declared Sirius dramatically, putting a hand over his heart and falling backwards onto his bed like he'd just been shot. "How dare you?" 

"Get up, you git," said James, tugging on his best friend's arm. He turned to Remus. "Who knows why Dumbledore chose you, you're the reason we get caught as little as we do, but well done, mate. I know it must mean a lot to you to have the headmaster's trust." 

"Firstly, we nearly always get caught. Secondly, thanks, I guess." 

"Well done, Moony!" said Peter. "Does this mean we'll be able to get away with stuff now?" 

"No! Just because you're friends with a prefect, doesn't mean I'll be able to let you off for stuff. Dumbledore's trusting me and I'm going to do my job properly." 

Sirius sighed again. "Come on, Moons, you killjoy." 

"You can't just use me to help you get away with stuff." 

"Yes we can!" said James, all trace of his previous maturity gone. "That's literally the whole point." 

"It really isn't," said Remus, rolling his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time during the conversation. "But anyway, I'm going to head off to the meeting as Lily's waiting for me. I'll see you twats later." 

"See you later, Moony," said Peter. 

Remus had just closed the door when he heard a shout coming from inside the dorm: "Wait! Lily! They're on first-name terms! Since when?" 

He laughed to himself and shook his head. He was friends with idiots, but Merlin, he loved them.


	3. 5th September 1975

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea about the process it takes to become animagi, but I probably won't go into it too much.

**Friday 5th September 1975**

Remus was in the bathroom when Sirius woke up. He still refused to change in front of the others and they'd decided not to pressure him, knowing how insecure he was about his scars. James was tying his tie, halfway through a yawn, and Peter was clearly still half asleep; the buttons of his shirt were done up wonkily. 

Sirius double checked Remus was still in the bathroom before talking to the other two. "James, did you find anything else over the summer?" 

The other two instantly stand to attention, ten times more alert than before. They'd been working on this secret project for nearly three years now and were coming incredibly close to the end result. Sirius was bouncing with excitement. He couldn't wait to see their werewolf friend's face when he realised what they'd done. 

"I managed to finish the potion. Remember that lightning storm after that heatwave in July?" said James. "Now all we need to do is the incantation and drink the potion." 

"Then we just work on the transforming," said Sirius eagerly. "This full moon, you'll see." 

"I - I don't think I'll be very good... it might take me a while," mumbled Peter nervously. He'd struggled the most with their Animagi process, but had managed with plenty of help from the other two. 

James smiled encouragingly. "You'll be fine, Pete. We won't tell Moony until we're all ready and we've all managed it." 

" _If_ we all manage it." 

"Don't think like that. We'll do it. And we won't stop working until we've all cracked it." 

"And then we can all have nicknames!" said Sirius. "And we can put them on the map!" 

James laughed. "Alright, calm down. One thing at a time." 

The door to the bathroom opened and they all fell silent. How they'd kept this a secret so far, Sirius had no idea. Probably as most of the work was done around the full moons and Remus undeniably had other things on his mind then rather than what his friends were plotting. 

There was a second of awkwardness before Remus narrowed his eyes, smiled and looked between the other three. "Everything alright, guys?" 

"Yeah," said Sirius, the smoothest liar out of them, other than Remus, "all's good. You okay, Moons?" 

Remus nodded, but didn't look fully convinced. He glanced at James who just smiled before continuing getting ready for school, avoiding eye contact and letting Sirius do all the work. 

"Don't worry, all's good, Moony. Did you finish the Herbology essay?" 

All worry vanished from Remus's expression as he made his way over to his bed to put his jumper and robes on. "Yeah, just about, I think. I probably missed a point or two, but I should pass." 

"Of course, you'll pass, you're a bloody genius," said James. 

"Says you." 

"You are! If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have the map, and that prank the other day - and remember third year." 

Remus smiled. "Yeah, I suppose." 

Once they were all ready, the four of them left the dorm to head for the Great Hall. The common room was crowded as people waited for their friends, and the corridors were buzzing with life. 

The four boys walked in their usual formation: Sirius and James followed by Peter and Remus. People moved out of their way and Sirius could feel the girls' (and some of the boys') heads turning as he strutted confidently. James ran a hand through his hair, loving the attention almost as much as Sirius was. He could feel Remus rolling his eyes at their antics behind them. 

The Great Hall was no busier than usual at this time of day, though everyone was still half asleep. What did they expect on a Friday morning? Everyone was just waiting for the promise of a lie-in that weekend. 

A couple of minutes later, there was the normal chaos as the hall swarmed with post owls. Instinctively, all four boys looked up as a small but strong brown owl landed in front of James, dropping off his usual parcel and letter from his parents. Don't get him wrong, Sirius was pleased his best friend had such an awesome family, but he was just a teenager so couldn't help the usual pang of jealousy, even as James passed around the chocolates between them so they all received an equal share. 

The hall seemed to quiet a minute or two later and Sirius instantly realised why when his family owl landed in front of him, a squirming, bright red envelope in it's beak. Fuck. Not again. The whole Gryffindor table fell silent, the rest of the hall soon following suit, watching in anticipation. Sirius knew his cousins and other relatives over on the Slytherin table would be grinning with glee at his embarrassment, but he refused to let them have that satisfaction. 

As soon as the owl dropped the Howler, it retreated like a whippet, wings a blur, vanishing out of sight within seconds. The fucking coward. Sirius wished he could vanish like that. Looking down at the angry red letter, he couldn't help thinking that maybe those posters hadn't been such a good idea. 

"You - um - you should probably open it," said Peter quietly around his mouthful of toast. 

"I know." 

Peter was right - it was better to get it over and done with than wait it out. Sirius took a deep breath, looked up to the ceiling like he was praying, then tore into the paper. The effect was immediate. 

Walburga Black's high-pitched shrieking filled the hall, echoing off the walls. Sirius could feel the blood draining from his face at the words, but he stared steadfastly at the table in front of him, refusing to react how everyone expected, how they wanted. 

Over the years, the other Marauders had tried several techniques to help take the pressure off Sirius when the Howlers arrived. Remus and James had researched numerous silencing charms, but none had been successful. They'd tried to just completely ignore them, chatting and laughing like usual over the top of Walburga's shouting, but the letters were too deafening. Peter had suggested just not turning up for breakfast when a Howler was expected, but the owls had either hunted him down or waited until the next meal when even more of the school was present. Nothing had worked. James had even once attempted to scream over the Howler, which had obviously earned him a detention and a sore throat for the rest of the week. 

Now, the other three seemed almost as depressed as Sirius felt. Opposite him, Remus looked conflicted, frowning down at his plate and wincing at the words the Howler was spewing. Peter's eyes were darting around the room anxiously while he continued eating. Sirius wondered bitterly if anything was ever serious enough to stop him thinking of his stomach. James met his eyes and smiled grimly. 

Just a minute later, the Howler stopped, leaving the entire hall in stunned silence. No matter how many Howlers he got from his parents, the rest of the school never seemed to get used to it. There was always that shocked silence, all eyes turned to him, even the professors. And it was just a few seconds later when the initial surprise had gone and the novelty of it had worn off, people started turning back to their friends and the chatter continued. Normality returned to everyone again. Well, everyone but the Marauders. 

Sirius kept the icy, emotionless look on his face as he stood up from the table, several Gryffindor looking over at him again. He glanced round at his three best friends, sighed, then stormed out of the hall, not looking back. He couldn't stand the mixture of pitying or annoyed looks. He hated, no, he loathed it. He'd never asked for their pity or sympathy. And he didn't exactly ask his mother to send the Howlers so he didn't really understand the annoyance either. 

Ignoring any weird looks from the portraits, Sirius headed straight for the Gryffindor dorms, all plans of going to lessons that day abandoned. Why should he bother anyway? The teachers still got paid whether he passed or failed so it made no difference to them if he actually turned up to their lessons or not. 

He collapsed onto his bed face down and didn't move for what felt like hours, until the dormitory door opened. Footsteps sounded across the floor as the new arrival made their way towards him. Sirius could tell it was James, but Remus and Peter were almost certainly waiting outside. 

"Hiya, mate. Any plans about coming to Herbology? I know it's not the most riveting lesson, but it's gotta be better than whatever it is you're doing right now." 

Sirius said nothing, just rolled onto his back and looked up at his best friend, who smiled a little awkwardly. 

"Is everything alright?" asked James. "I know things are shitty with your parents, but... is it just that? You know you can talk to us?" 

"I know. And I'm fine." 

He got off the bed and walked out to the common room where Remus and Peter were waiting patiently. They looked over and smiled when he entered but he said nothing, leading the other three out the room and to their first lesson. None of them knew what to say, that was clear. Sirius knew he could be irritable and grumpy, especially after hearing from his family, and it always worried his friends, but at that moment he really couldn't care less. 

All through Herbology, Sirius could feel the other's eyes on him. He knew they were worrying as they always did; Remus and James were passing notes constantly, probably thinking that Sirius didn't notice, but he did. At one point, he snatched a scrap of parchment from Remus as he was passing back and read through what they'd said with a glare. 

_**Moony, we've gotta do something.** _

_What can we do? You know what he's like._

"Go on, enlighten me. What am I like, Moony?" said Sirius, frustrated. 

Remus was stunned into silence. With the other two all looking between him and Sirius, he'd been put on the spot unexpectedly. 

"Sirius," he tried calmly, "you know I didn't mean anything bad by it. We're just worried about you is all. If you'd talk to us for once - " 

"Like you're one to talk about talking. You never tell us anything, Moony!" 

Remus flinched slightly at the words, but didn't argue back. He probably knew Sirius was right, which he was. 

"Mr Black," said Professor Sprout sternly, "could you please quieten down before you wake the Mandrakes. We all know how serious that could be." 

Sirius didn't say anything for the rest of the lesson and afterwards, walked ahead of the others to their next lesson. They didn't even try to talk to him during Charms. And after break they all parted ways - Sirius had Muggle Studies while Remus and James had Ancient Runes and Peter had Arithmancy. Sirius never had understood his fascination with numbers. 

They met up again for lunchtime in the Great Hall and Sirius was a lot more relaxed. He started up a conversation with James and, just like that, they were all chatting again like nothing had happened. 

The rest of the day - Care of Magical Creatures with Professor Kettleburn and Transfiguration with McGonagall - went much better than the morning. Sirius and James joked their way through the boring bits while Remus got down his usual bullet-pointed notes about the assignments. Peter worked just as hard, if not harder. He'd been stressing about the O.W.L.s for months, worried that he wouldn't pass or do as well as his friends and Sirius knew it was keeping him up at night. 

At the end of Transfiguration, the boys were about to leave when Professor McGonagall called Sirius back: "Mr Black, a word, please." 

"I'll see you guys in the common room," said Sirius to the others. He moved closer to the teacher's desk while the rest of the class left the classroom. 

"How are you, Mr Black?" 

"Um - actually, professor, would you mind calling me 'Sirius' rather than by my surname?" 

"It is tradition to use students' surnames," said McGonagall, watching him curiously. 

Sirius just grinned and shrugged. "I'm not one for traditions..." His smile faded slightly. "Also, you may have noticed, ma'am, that I don't have the best relationship with my family..." 

"Yes, I had took note of that. As your professor and head of house, I have a duty of care towards you. If somewhere is unsafe for one of my students then I will do everything in my power to keep them away from it. I am sorry it has taken me this long to realise the severity of your situation, Sirius." 

Sirius tensed, looking away from McGonagall, not wanting her to see the shame or anxiety in his eyes. "It's honestly not that bad, professor. I usually provoke their anger in some way anyway. Thank you for the concern, though, ma'am." 

"Right. Well, I'd like you to know, even so, that you are always free to come to me if you need anything. You are dismissed and have a good evening, Sirius." 

"Thank you, professor. You too." 

For a second there, Sirius thought he'd seen McGonagall smile, but then he blinked and she was back to her usual stern but kind expression. Maybe he'd just imagined it.


End file.
